Stormy

This island is flooded and along with the floods there are floods in the hearts of friends of mine and with my own heart. Floods flowing over around creating complications in the lives of the people in and around them. 

I'm glad i made it home safely. 

She's sitting in the hospital bed. Alone. and i don't care enough to go visit more than once a week. what's wrong with me? How can I be so selfish? What will i feel when she's gone? I need to make her more a priority. and my life is so full. full of everything, mostly getting back up on my own two feet again. 

I would not like to be living out on the beach right now. This storm is crazy. 

So what happens when she leaves? Leaves this world. and i have nothing. 

Being around her hurts. it hurts to see her hurting. it hurts to be in her presence and feel her pain and listen to her suffering. She is sick. very sick. who knows how much time she has left. and it hurts. it hurts me a lot. i cry. i feel heavy. i feel pain. i feel frustration, anger, regret, loss of power, impatience, and behind it all, attachment and caring. Love and longing. Who is going to help me do my taxes? who is going to calm me down when i'm upset? who is going to give me advise. She's my mom. As i'm typing this out my throat tightens up and i feel scared. Jenny no regrets. love her, care for her and do the best you can. 

start now. 

aho.