for now.

i sit alone. and sad. both things i have felt a lot in the past months.
You know those points in your life that you know there is a split in the road and you have to take one direction and you know that no matter which direction you choose your life will go in totally opposite ways.
Like my choice to go to santa cruz.
Everything on this island is telling me to go there. I know i'll be happy once i do.
but i'm still sitting here alone and sad. and missing you.
you're out doing what i wanted, with someone else. someone who looks as if she could be my younger sister. someone who i could have her wardrobe and feel at home. someone who has the same sort of travel sense. i dont know her. and i dont care to know her. i just find it quite ironic.
and i'm slightly jealous.
i know i brought this upon myself. truly honestly.
and i might have caused you the same feeling i'm going through right now. i understand that. i understand that you have every right to be doing what you're doing. and i have no right to be upset or mad. i made my choices and i'm dealing with them. i may regret them. and i made them. it's been done and we cannot go back. i want to go back to those two glorious weeks where we played and made love and had hardly any cares.
it makes me sad that u never really got to know the Jenny that I really am. not this stressed out over emotional girl who feels helpless most of the time.
I'm going to find the old Jenny. the one that could do anything she ever dreamed of. the one who fully enjoyed life. the one who didn't have panic attacks.
i'm glad she has long thick hair. because i know that's how you liked mine.
i'm glad you are willing to talk to me.
i'm glad you're taking care of yourself and that you're happy.
and you know i didn't see it until today. but i think i helped you too. and i think i made an impact in your life even if you never told me i did.
words that remind me of us.
coconut oil
trampoline
back door
baby
electricity
incense
earring hunt
friendship
bliss
church
garage
medicine
love.

I have a feeling that you will have all your dreams come true and god will bless you.

goodbye

for now.