Happy summer

I shaved my head
It feels amazing not positive I enjoy my reflection in the mirror.
And I'm glad I did it

a long time

Nothing seems important anymore.
Everything is a blur of confused torture.
He breaks my heart and doesn't try.
I love her and hate her in one instant.
I'm attached to her.
I've been told that death isn't as bad as we make it out to be.
Please tell me that when you're in my shoes.
Being pulled and pushed and advised and
it fucking sucks.
I'm sorry but your problems mean shit to me.
Just being honest.
I'm in my own world.
and that's where i need to be right now.
Please don't run away and forget about me.
I'm much stronger. I see that. Im also completely emotionally beat up.
So thankful for the sweats and meetings.
This is such a hard time in my life. It will only go uphill from here.
to the sky :)
I love you.

heart these falls.

Spring ness.

much time has passed. Since my life is so full and always changing on a weekly basis the idea of writing a boring step by step on what's going on in my life (which i should have been doing throughout the past months because of the dreaded question "how are you doing?" ) i am going to write about today. since i am in today and not any other time at this moment, whatever moments really are.
Right at this moment i am content with a splash of stomach tightness from consistent stress.
I have been prosessing my emotions and whole reality trying to untie that tight spot in my stomach.
music helps,
smoking helps,
coconut bliss helps
orgasms help.
prayers help in wonderful ways.
and it's always good to be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.
Especially on this freaking island. I can think it one second before and have it pop up instantly.
Amazing.
Ever read the book You can heal your life? By loise hays. if you haven't and you live in kauai i highly recommend reading it.
I got the boyfriend. i said here on this blog that i wanted one.
he's quite wonderful.
I also have some pretty amazing girlfriends whom i am very greatful for.
I have the emotional support I need and I am blessed.
I've been sweating a lot in the lodge and cleansing my heart with the heat and prayers.
I have chopped most of my hair. I feel much lighter and much more like my hair fits my personality these days.
one of my new favorite words is
Sassy
it's a good one in my book.
Brett Dennen soothes my soul.
i hope to see him perform some day.
I also can't stop listening to Luc and those lovingtons :)
my heart is happy while listening to them.
I think processing and not holding down emotions is important along with not blaming myself or feeling guilty. I am learning life the hard way and growing up. I am blessed for every experience.
my body is tired often. I think it's time for sleep.
Aloha.