It's been a lot of work to get my heart back. I have done it though. I am proud of myself.
Sitting up all night, fighting the urge to want to run away into my bed.
I have loved ceremony with all my heart. It has healed me in ways i cannot express in words. And now, I feel as if it isn't my medicine right now.
The whole time sitting in that teepee thinking, I need to be alone right now.
I need to be alone.
and for some reason I don't want to do that here. I want to travel.
To fully be alone for some time. I want to get to know myself better.
To create myself more.
To be Jenny
I have always been Jenny, and also been Stacey's daughter.
I am still Stacey's daughter, and yet I feel my job has been retired.
I spoke out loud during this ceremony and I am going to try and recall my speech.
" Good morning family. Right now I have had my mother on my mind. During women's time I am thinking of all mothers, wow being a mom is a lot of work. I want to thank all the mothers in this room for taking on that responsibly. Thinking of my mother, I have an eagle feather tattood on my back in honer of her, next to the eagle feather the script "fly free Ema" is to be written. I feel like it is now my turn to fly free. To go out into the big world and explore. To see it and to create myself. So i would like to say goodbye and tell you all that i am blessed to be here. I am happy to be in this teepee right now. To be with my family and I am here to also say goodbye.
I also want to thank myself. I want to say thank you for all the hard work I have done sitting up inside this teepee and the emotional work I have done. So "thank you" "
I am so blessed to live in such a beautiful place and also this is the time to travel. I am young. 23 years old, i don't have any debt, any children, no boyfriend and no sick mom keeping me around. It is time. I want to travel.
I will miss Kauai so much.
