Month of Aries

I have been finding myself much more attached to this whole astrology energy here. This island is so strong. emotions can be so intense and strong and woh.
My birthday is coming up. i've been thinking a lot about it. it's a big one for me. I don't know if i'll see another birthday with my mom in my life. This birthday coming up is to honor my mother for giving birth to me and for being in my life for 22 years as a strong support and strong woman. Along with giving unconditional love to me.
I've also been thinking about how much i've learned in the past year. and how much i've grown and how 21 was such an intense year. so much change and experiences in such a short time. a year isn't that long in the sceme of things.
for my birthday i would love
a puppy.
a moped
snorkling gear.
naot
:)
happy birthday aries!

"in a relationship"

I'm in a wonderful relationship.
I get touched,
caresed,
played with,
tossed around,
held,
thrown around,
loved,
nurtured
cared for and
i could get killed
it's exciting.
:)

p.s. my new lover is the ocean.

excuse my french.

Never in my life did I ever really think that I would say this.

"I wish I had a boyfriend"

Yea  I've said those words outloud before in the past, and I never really ment them. I always knew if I really wanted one it wouldn't be that hard.

If everything was fine with me, and I met a guy who's mother was dying. I would run the other directed. Fast. I would move states most likely.

fuck being single right now.

Guess what. I'm for sure not fucking getting a boyfriend now. I wouldn't even want to be with anyone crazy enough to want me.  I would be like "are you fucking insain? My mom is dying of cancer. who wants that shit? "

I know I wouldn't.

speachless.

I go through waves. strong, tough, grough and intence waves.
I've never felt so dead. which is not something i should be feeling while taking care of my potentially dieing mother.
I need a mother to take care of me.
or at least a mother to take care of my mother so i can get on my own two legs.
this past year has been so
crazy,
adventures
wild
unfamilier
unsettling
and not at all grouding.
i need ground so bad.

and now i'm turning the theme around. going to try and stay positive.
this Island is so beautiful. and magical and warm.
Everyone is connected in a deeper more meaningful way.
i even love the rain. the warm sweet drops that tickle my skin and leave me damp and dewy.
i love the ocean so fast and strong and powerful. wanting to swallow me up with this whole island. working away and chipping at the island's surface.
the deep dark clean green mountains that lay between the silver shimmer of clouds.
the birds churping and the fresh ripe fruit sitting on the trees. oranges and papayas all juicy and ready to be eaten.
I love all the coconut trees swaying in the wind temping me with their sweet juice.
(i hate the traffic, a huge problem)

i need to build up my spiritial side. seriously asap.

my insides feel like a twisted rubberband ready to snap. and that possible snapping feeling could mean something horrible. and could mean something profound. i won't know until it happens right.

no amount of comfort, hugs, smiles, massage or good wishes is going to make the problem go away.
and i am so greatful that i'm getting those for free.

with all my thanks to my friends for supporting me the best they can through this tough time. you all have no idea what i'm going through and i'll never expect you to. thank you for being by my side in your own enique ways.
<3